SMARTPHONE PARASITES

Lets stop the abuse by network and software developers.

 

*For the record, this is my third time writing this article; the first two disappeared in my phone forcing me to conclude that certain forces do not want you to read this article.

 

The introduction of the smartphone sent all network providers worldwide into a frenzy of glee. The chink into bank accounts was so shiny and sweat-free so much so that executives turned to the bible to understand the verse of “manna from heaven” more. The reason was simple.

 

While the smartphone sits there silently doing nothing, little greedy gremlins with a bottomless thirst siphon credit for a purpose no human can easily explain. A simple test on my Samsung Galaxy Pocket revealed that a dollar had disappeared in a day and half while my buddy sat there doing absolutely nothing of value to me.

 

This is money that the networks are making while doing nothing for you nor me. More like glorified tax for having a smartphone. A friend told me the gremlins in iOS are even hungrier than those on Android.

 

So us, the battered users cottoned on quickly and set out to stop the gluttonous gremlins inside the phone. People disabled background data, removed applications and limited mobile data (in brackets credit). Yet no one can completely stop the gremlins. Somehow they still worm their way in and sip credit out in a formula that would have dumbfounded Einstein himself.

 

For countries such as Zimbabwe with very few free Wi-Fi hotspots (if any), a smartphone is truly a necessary white elephant to the ordinary person. A few employed individuals would get Wi-Fi at work though, until recently when most corporates are disabling Wi-Fi and/or putting complex passwords to prevent the employees from accessing the life-giving blue gel called Wi-Fi.

 

Most of these corporates are on unlimited packages which they can obviously afford. I am sure most of them do not consume even a tenth of this precious liquid. Yet they pay monthly for unlimited access while limiting access to employees. It is like hoarding sirloin steak while watching your neighbours eat veggies morning noon and night only to throw the sirloin away at the end of the month.

 

Thus slowly the number of people recharging credit into smartphones diminished. Indeed, the networks do not strive (hahaha) on selected high rolling users but on the masses from Budiriro, Mbare, Magwegwe, Sakubva, etc. If anything, the rich are already watching what they put into the smartphone and mostly carry “kambudzi” (your old Nokia 5110). They are rich because they watch the penny hey!

It was in this environment that some bright spark at Econet Wireless (Yazviita Zvakare) recently crafted and caused launching of Facebook and Whatsapp bundles. These two applications are the bread and butter of many ordinary people. And indeed they are also the staple food of networks not only in Zimbabwe but most of Africa.

 

For USD1.80 one can (or could) get subscription to both Facebook and Whatsapp for a whole week. Basically it means/meant one could be communicating merrily for USD2.00 for the whole week. No extra airtime required. We all know how calls in the traditional sense are dying a fast death. This compared to my previous usage of USD2.00 per day on average was absolute Nirvana.

 

Another added benefit was that I could finally give a finger to the gremlins. With my phone on full blast (background data enabled, etc.), the gremlins could not touch me! The past two weeks or so were sweet heaven for me and am sure for many in Zimbabwe who jumped onto this gravy train.

 

It however does not take a rocket scientist to calculate that there was immediate panic at Econet. This panic touched us the market a few days ago when suddenly it became impossible to send our precious pictures and voice and other (tehehe) on Whatsapp. Also, navigating Facebook suddenly required one to carry a Sainthood certificate as one could spend hours looking at that little circle going round and round waiting for something to happen on the phone.

 

As recently as yesterday, I discovered that accessing the bundles can actually cause callouses to one’s thumb. I dialled more than a zillion times and still could not get past the net. I tried every trick but I could not use activate my Whatsapp bundle. I have not given up, I shall keep sneaking in until I go past into heaven.

 

I am writing this note to tell my friends and frenemies across the country and in the diaspora that if you notice silence on my part, I am trying to get a bundle. I have disabled data. Should I fail, I shall investigate other networks for better options and move. I know now for sure that I do not have to spend more than USD2.00 per week on my phone. And it is not my duty to feed the gremlins created by Android with my precious credit.

 

If you want to join me in my quest, simply share/forward/RT this article.

 

Thank you.